Category Archives: Mystic’s Musings

11/18/12

Drawing near

May our daily choices be a reflection of our deepest values, and may we use our voices to speak for those who need us most, those who have no voice, those who have no choice. It’s up to each one of us to create the world we want to live in; if not you, then who? If not now, then when? — Colleen Patrick-Goudreau

I went hiking with Kira and William today at Bear Mountain. At 4:15 the sun began to set, and we had just come out of the woods and into the field. The field was full of these plants with white tufts of seeds, the sun illuminated them beautifully. Winter is drawing near. I dream of smoke dancing out of my chimney and chilled hands clutching warm mugs of tea. I want to sleep in and read, spending my days thinking and reflecting.

09/28/12

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral.

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

–Aaron Freeman

09/3/12

touching

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there.

It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.”
- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

05/8/12

I do not want.

Awake on a strange couch at a friend’s apartment at 3 am, the silences seem different, foreign. I’ve been up since 6:30 yesterday morning, and am close to not having slept for 24 hours. These times seem prime to reflect on life choices.

What do I want in life? I do not want much. I want less. The more I have, the more I feel I am not living. I am reducing my wardrobe, reducing my packaging consumption, reducing my impact. And the more I do, the happier I seem. I am not ‘happy’ per say, I experience moments of happiness in greater abundance. It is not a constant thing. While it would be wonderful to be, such a life would diminish the preciousness of those moments.

I do not want to spend my day making sure I look alright, from doing makeup to deciding on one outfit out of many. Working from nine until five, struggling to keep up with ever enlarging invoices, stressing about deadlines, fashion, constructs of right and wrong.

I want acoustic music, voices, instruments. Soil under bare feet. Amazement, curiousity, marvels. Sweat, tears. Kisses, song. Drumbeats. Fresh food. New people, old people. Discoveries. Hard work, accomplishment, satisfaction.

I want to walk to the top of a mountain to meet the morning sun, and see my reflection in the wavering water of a dark stream instead of the harsh glare of a mirror under artificial light.

I want notebooks, sketchbooks journals, records of life.

I want happiness.

And happiness is only achieved without “I want”.

02/6/12

The Culture of Vegetarianism

PDF available here.

The Culture of Vegetarianism

                I am not a fan of salad nor most vegetables. Bananas make me wrinkle my nose in disgust. I think the majority of the ways tofu is cooked still results in a boring, bland dish. Despite my distaste for most of the foods typical vegetarians consume, I still practice a vegetarian diet on a daily basis. Vegetarianism often envelops more than simple dietary changes, however. The behaviour of those who practice the diet often extends to similar virtues regarding animal byproducts to other facets of their lives, forming a way of living. This way of life affects everything from clothing choices to what shampoo one is willing to buy. Aside from physical aspects of the lifestyle of vegetarianism, there are also mental and emotional characteristics, teaching everything from patience to wit. The attitude and values of those abstaining from meat have formed a diet into a culture for quite a few of its participants.

                  Astounding to me is the fact that someone can claim to love animals yet support companies, brands, and food chains that directly and indirectly harm them. Unlike what most people might assume, I am not against people eating meat. Rather, I am against the process the meat goes through to reach people. From factory farm, in overcrowded conditions on a poor diet, to the slaughterhouse– the method in which meat reaches your local supermarket is not a pretty picture. Educational documentaries on the industry such as Food, Inc, attempt to reveal the behind-the-scene reality. Animals are also harmed in animal testing done by hair and body care brands and cosmetic companies.Uncaged Campaign, an anti-vivisection organization, urges consumers to boycott Proctor and Gamble, which produces popular products such as Pantene, Olay, and Herbal Essences. “P&G admit that guinea pigs, rabbits, hamsters, ferrets, rats and mice are among the animals used in their ‘product safety research’, as well as cats and dogs in pet food experiments.” (Uncaged Campaign.) Knowing that animals are being harmed unnecessarily makes a commodity extremely unappealing to me.

                  I regularly hear people complain that they wish others would “practice what they preach.” Going to an environmental school, I have been astounded at the amount my animal-loving friends seem to enjoy ridiculing my dietary choice and pushing me to eat meat, well knowing I refrain from it due to how the meat industry works. They claim that my diet is the cause of everything from low body weight to sniffles, and try to persuade me to eat meat. However, a reduced meat intake has shown to be beneficial. “The chances of developing chronic diseases including high blood pressure, diabetes, coronary heart disease, obesity, kidney failure, osteoporosis and cancer, is markedly decreased among vegetarians and vegans by as much as forty percent.” (Wisegeek,) Despite any evidence I bring up that portrays vegetarianism as being a healthy diet, friends are still highly critical, and more than willing to voice their discontent in my choice in a less than respectful manner. Being vegetarian in this society requires a certain amount of wit, tolerance, patience, and knowledge. Exhausting those virtues when dealing with critics, I’ve also learned how to say “fuck off” and tune someone out.

                  Having a specific diet such as vegetarianism requires some modicum of self control. There are specific nutrients gained in meat, such as iron, which the human body cannot absorb as well from plants or supplements. I need to make sure I am getting enough to support a healthy lifestyle, and that requires me to take active note in what I am eating. I feel as though this enables me to be more aware of what I am eating and putting into my body. Even if one was not a vegetarian they should be aware of what she/he eats regardless, but I honestly doubt I would be if not a vegetarian. Perhaps this concern over my diet also piqued my interest in keeping both my mind and physique healthy. During high school I also became an avid yogi (practitioner of yoga) and cross-country runner, developing flexibility, increased concentration, and stamina. In effect, I took values I learned from these two activities and began applying them to my life. Cross-country allowed me to realize the value in not giving up and finishing strong. Yoga taught me that discomfort means growth, and that the more I stretch myself, my beliefs, opinions, and notions, the more I will benefit.

                    While it is true that food can shape who you are, I believe who I am also shapes what I eat—or more accurately, what I don’t eat. Vegetarianism has unquestionably played a large part in helping form who I am today, both by igniting my interest in holistic and organic alternatives and in teaching me how to proficiently respond to controversy and engage in debate. I do not believe I would consider myself the same person, or respect myself in the way I do, if I consumed meat. Vegetarianism may not implement itself into the formation of a culture for all vegetarians, but it certainly does for me.

Uncaged Campaigns: Against Animal Testing and Experiments. Web. <http://www.uncaged.co.uk/>.

“Has It Been Proven That a Vegetarian Diet Is Really Healthier?” WiseGEEK Web. <http://www.wisegeek.com/has-it-been-proven-that-a-vegetarian-diet-is-really-healthier.htm>.

11/24/11

“Spoiling” Mother Nature

An analysis paper I wrote for my environmental writing class, using Linda Bergkvist’s gorgeous work as the subject.

“Spoiling” Mother Nature

“Spoiling” Mother Nature explores the relationship between nature and
humans, as depicted in Linda Bergkvist’s painting, Spoiled. Reviewing
symbolism,“Spoiling” Mother Nature expresses to the audience the
artists’ intent in the production of the painting, as well as the possible
effects Linda Bergkvist might have wanted to achieve. The paper also
investigates the etymology of “mother nature,” relating back to a Greek
myth explaining the birth of the world, as well as deciphering the
significance of nature being considered a mother figure. In addition the
essay touches on how art has been used for persuasion in the past.

Continue reading →

07/24/11

Bear cub euthanized

Last month, a bear cub was euthanized for it’s friendly affability with humans it met, after receiving food from them for quite awhile.

Of course, more effort could have been put towards placing said cub on a reserve, or even in educating the public about keeping trashcans securely covered, and about scaring away wildlife and not giving it a reason to become more relaxed around humans. Despite the fact that humans are the one intruding on the bears environment, the animal is always the one to pay.

Some people have asked if the public’s reaction would have been the same if said bear had injured a child, or if it had been a less liked animal.  My own reaction would not have been different. It was our actions as humans that frustrate me so. As the “superior species” should we not be able to avoid attracting such situations, or at least be able to invent less cruel resolutions of such issues?

Allia Wilson:

There is an undescribable amount of rage inside of me right now. The pit of my stomach is turning in anger. Are you kidding me?! You kill a bear to resolve the fault of humans. I’m sorry, but in my mind that does not make sense. They say that they had warned humans not to feed the bear as the bear would associate cars with food, therefore resulting in injury or death for the bear, then they completely contradict themselves by doing the job anyway. It sickens me to think that out of all the options, such as natural reserve or a zoo, they choose to take it’s life. We as humans are at fault. Aside from giving a wild animal food at such a young age before it can learn to fend for itself and catch food itself, we go ahead and place a great long slab of cement and tar right through THEIR LAND. Nature was here long before us. But no. Let’s just kill the bear, because it’s not humans fault that it didn’t know better.

Read more here.

05/19/11

Angered.

So about six months ago my grandmother adopted a spaniel mix from a very large popular animal shelter about two hours from my house, out of one of their adoption vans. When I visited a couple weeks later the dog attempted to attack me when I sat down on their couch, and bit my mother in the process of trying to get towards me.

We called the shelter quite a few times and finally got a response about two months ago. We explained the situation and they told us to drive there for them to take the dog back, and so my mother and my grandmother went yesterday, I had work.

When I get back from work my mother tells me they refused to take the dog. Here’s the story:

The dog was fine with the woman who met them at the door, and was fine with the two dog behaviorists re-evaluating him until they tried to restrain him on a walk, where he got snarly. Then a kid went by on a skateboard and he flipped out. I had -warned- them that he was aggressive towards minors. He’s also territorial and possessive-aggressive.

One of the staff there told my mother “Your daughter will just have to get used to the fact that he doesn’t like her and visit her grandmother anyway.” It’s not a matter of me GETTING OVER IT. The dog is almost impossible to restrain when I, my brother, or any younger child comes around. It tried attacking her neighbors child, luckily it was leashed and the kid was far enough away that all it did was scare him.

They said our options were to privately place him or employ a behaviorist. We don’t have the money for a behaviorist, we spent all our money driving back to the shelter to get rid of him.

They refused to take him back, saying he was dangerous. I just called and left a long and angry message on their answering machine, telling them we don’t have the money for a behaviorist, it’s irresponsible to privately place a dog that has extreme aggression issues, not to mention anyone willing to take him most likely wouldn’t have the experience to handle such a dog. I also ranted to them about how irresponsible they were to not thoroughly evaluate the dog before adopting it out, and how now my grandmother’s liable for an aggressive dog and could lose everything if it were to bite someone besides family.

My mother’s called a few shelters, but none have been willing to take him because of the aggression. My next step if they still refuse to take him back is to talk to the police in charge of animal control here, and while legally they can’t take in dogs unless they’re strays he can tell me if I’m legally within my rights to have my grandmother demand they take the dog back.

Just now:

I went to the local dog warden today to ask if the shelter was under any legal compulsions to take an aggressive dog back.

What I got was a 7 ft tall dog warden telling me it was all my fault that my grandmother was still in possession of an aggressive dog, and if I wanted to fix it all I need do was hold the dog in the air by it’s collar until it gets close to passing out while yelling at it, and then it won’t try to bite me anymore!

I told him that some people, including myself, would argue that such a thing is unethical and cruel. He told me that when I go to college that I should have a bonfire and burn all my dog behaviorism books.

He back up his experience by telling me about how his Doberman growled at him when he told it to get off the couch one day. He brought it outside and told it to sit in the snow, and it didn’t. So he told it to again and it lunged for his throat. So he picked it up using the leash and hung it by it’s collar until it almost passed out and was gasping and choking, and then told it to sit again. It sat! Dog friendly again!

I wanted to argue that if his punishment-based training worked as well as he was claiming then his dog would never have tried to kill him in the first place. But I didn’t feel like being arrested for talking back to someone who is legally also a cop, so I nodded until he stopped talking, and thanked him for his time before walking out.

Of course his Doberman didn’t attack him after he hung it in the air by it’s collar, it’s called oxygen asphyxiation.

I was basically shaking by how intimidating this guy was, which is why I only argued against him a few times. He told me to bring the dog down to the shelter and he’d choke it for me, if I wasn’t strong enough to hold it in the air by it’s leash. I told him I’d rather bring it to one of the training centers that he “swore by,” as my grandmother needs to learn to control it herself. He argued that I’m here now, and I can do it for her. Completely missed my point.

I just feel completely.. angered. I came in asking for legal information and was taught how to strangle a dog.

04/2/11

something.

I’m trying to figure out how to write this without contradicting myself hundreds of times in an utterly unorganized and confusing fashion. I don’t even know what I want to write, as of this sentence.

My perception of the world just keeps changing and updating, and half the time I think I’m losing my mind. I go through one day wanted to wear bright colors, or something loose and white and try to make people smile, and the next I want to be invisible in black, and just be quiet and listen to the hum of everything going on around me, while I try to figure out why anything is worth something.

I go from wanting to cry because the world is moving to wanting to just wrap my arms around you from behind and think of something that makes your eyes light up and a smile grace your mouth.

I want to be strong and independent, but soft and bright. I’m so childlike, spinning in circles makes me happy. I talk a lot about nothing, just babbling nonsense. I guess it’s all left overs from not talking at all throughout middle school days. My thoughts are that you should keep quiet unless you have something important to say, but I guess my constant babbles are comforting to me, in the sense that cats purr when they’re scared or in pain. I just talk and live, I suppose.

And because of this nonsense that constantly comes forth out of my mouth, everyone thinks me a fool. This is okay, I guess, although you probably think so as well. Half the time I think so.  I have no sense of what to do in social situations, I lack some common sense, and make an idiot out of myself when things fly right over my head that even the slowest kid could catch.

It probably doesn’t count, but I could tell you how the color amber reminds me of  happiness, how it’s warm and comforting. I could tell you that when I sip tea I feel like it’s seeping into me, it’s warmth traveling down my throat and spreading throughout my body. Or I might describe to you why I enjoy being underwater, because you’re surrounded by muted colors and sounds, suspended in something where you’re sensory deprived and can just be enveloped and exist.

I think you’re smart, more than in the obvious sense. You don’t tell secrets, you don’t ramble out every single idiotic thing that passes through your head like I do. If you don’t speak it, you can’t regret saying it. No one knows who you are, because you just listen, you don’t speak. If you do, it doesn’t reveal anything that could ever hurt you.

I want people to know who I am, though. I don’t always want to be invisible in the background. I want to leave some small mark on what’s happening around me, something that says I was here even if no one but the record of time remembers it.

I like living in the past and in my head, despite every inspirational quote you can find these days advises living in the present.  I just like remembering.

 

01/1/11

Simple.

It’s taken so long to return to loving the simplicity of being alone.

It seemed like forever that all I could think about what companionship. Skin, soft kisses, rough kisses, entwined fingers, talking about things that matter, and being completely open with someone and having them be open in return.

I guess that’s the thing though, no one wants to be completely open. I need to be completely open.. I feel like a child. Putting up those walls and barriers is setting yourself up for distrust and ruining connections.  Being open allows you to be hurt. But it also allows you to heal. With walls, that invisible bubble of protection you might set up for yourself, you’re either hurting or numb. I know how that is, and it’s why I need to be honest.

So yes, I want someone here to appreciate life with me. I want you sitting next to me right now, marveling in how the sun seems to make my room glow, how the chill air creeps through my window because I like having it open even during winter. I want someone here so I can trail my fingers along their skin, and smile against their lips. But if you’re not going to be open and appreciate the simple things with me, than I rather be alone.